At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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