You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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