I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
