It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
