I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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