dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Watching her eat just hurts me
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
