she woke up with a sticky ear
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
