So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
