You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
