xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
