I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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