Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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