just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
