I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
