the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
