So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
