Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
