The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
