my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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