Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
