Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
