I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
