Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
