thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
