Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
