the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
