I should be sponsored by Trojan
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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