I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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