Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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