Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
