I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
