3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
