**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
