I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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