Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
