I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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