I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
