At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My ATM looks so different sober.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
