Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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