He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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