I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
