all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
