so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
