We won't sleep together?
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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