I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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