literally had 100 drinks last night.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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