Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
