We need to rekindle our bromance
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
