Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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