when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
